You work out of a Hotel?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
