do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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