I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
