her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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