these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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