I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
