Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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