tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
