dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
