I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pants are for mortals
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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