Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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