I think i peed on brittanys purse
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
