Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize