Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
