We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
