you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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