Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
