He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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