Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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