I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I bet he comes in French.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
