i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
