Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
