Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
