If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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