But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
