I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize