So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
