If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
