Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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