The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
