Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
