he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The best revenge is premature balding
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
