chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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