i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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