I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
