im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
