At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
