Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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