my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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