well I can't set my house on fire every night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize