My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize