Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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