apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
