Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
