Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
