How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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