You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
