I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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