How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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