I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
