Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
