after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
