"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
