Fine. I'll sleep in my office
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
