I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
