honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
