It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
