We named our party play list daddy issues
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
