What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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