Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize