It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
