I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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