You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
