But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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