I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
