Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
