My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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