I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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