We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
