If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
