Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
