I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
