got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
