I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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