I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize