He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
