I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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