this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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