rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
