69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize