just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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