who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
