i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
