I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize