take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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