Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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