The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
