So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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