if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
