I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
