You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
