Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
