I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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