just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
