at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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