you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
