she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
