Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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