we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
