Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
