you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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