you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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