Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize