Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
