Who did Billy Mays play for?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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