Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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