Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
