I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
