I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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