Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
