Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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