One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
