I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
