I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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