When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
