this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
