it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
