Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
